This last couple of weeks has been pretty amazing. Since my 6-MP (oral chemotherapy for my Crohn's Disease) was increased, my joint pain has significantly improved. My energy level is also better than it has been in years. Some days I think I am just dreaming that I really feel THIS good. In fact, it feels "too good to be true". I have not had this many "good" days in years. Even a recent bout with strep throat only knocked me down for a few days. Months ago, that would have been about a two-week set back for me.
So overall, life is REALLY good here. I have more energy to spend quality time with my family. I absolutely love being able to spend more time with my boys and less time sick in bed. Spending the days playing with them instead of doubled over in pain or fighting nausea and flu symptoms, is a welcomed change.
Physically, I have recovered 100% from major surgery in September. My fitness level is currently exceeding my expectations and I feel better than ever. I am cautiously training for my second Ironman in May. I will let my health be a guide as to how much I can push and whether or not I will go that distance. I am enjoying training and absolutely love my work as a fitness instructor, personal trainer, and coach.
I have finally had the energy to put back into my coaching business, "Finish Strong". I have branched out to accommodate body fat composition testing and personal fitness consultations in addition to triathlon coaching. I absolutely LOVE helping people reach their fitness goals.
So why is it that even though life is going SUPER right now, I still feel like I am walking on eggshells? Why do I feel like any moment the dreaded fatigue and pain is going to come back with a vengeance? I am still hesitant to plan too far out in the future. I am just starting to trust myself again and that I am able to fulfill commitments or appointments. The good days have outnumbered the bad now for 6 weeks. Will my streak of good health end soon?
I keep telling myself this time is different. Last year at this time, I was living (unaware) that eight inches of my intestines were destroyed from Crohn's. Essentially, that equates to walking around with a partially dead gut. Pretty gross if you think about it. I would have horrible bouts of nausea, dizziness, abdominal pain and fatigue. I was on all the right medications, but they were not helping because the diseased intestine was scarred beyond repair. There was days I would literally lay flat on the floor and not be able to move until my husband brought me a cocktail of medicine. Thank God, we have not seen any of those days since my surgery.
In fact, at that time I was only able to eat certain foods. I called them the "foods within my box" to my friends. I lived on wheat bagels with peanut butter and honey. I could eat sweets and starches because they were easy to digest. All of the healthy things like fruits and vegetables were out of the question. My body views those things as "foreign" and starts attacking the lining of my gut. I now drink daily protein shakes with an addition of "super greens" to fulfill my nutritional needs.
Meats were also out of the question. Now we know why...when you have a damaged, flat intestine the opening is about the size of the eye of a needle. Food just isn't going to pass.
Come to find out, that is the reason why I struggled during my very first Ironman in Utah, last May. I was very prepared for the race and the distances were not a problem. I had assumed that my issues were due to the fact that I lost some of my medication during the beginning of the bike ride. I now know that the bagel I ate in T1 (after swallowing lots of air while swimming out in the frigid water), was going to give me hours of trouble over the course of a 15-hour event because of the severe stricture in my ileum. In fact, I would spend hours on the bike barely able to maintain aero position because of pain. My abdomen appeared as though I was 5 months pregnant. Forcing down food was not even an option.
I was fortunate to make it through the race, since nutrition was a big issue for me. I survived on Cytomax and easily digested foods like pretzels, chips, and Gu chomps. The scenery during the race was absolutely amazing. Utah is a beautiful state. I spent much time on the bike reflecting on the cards I had been dealt the past few months before the race. Not many patients newly diagnosed with Crohn's Disease are able to attempt an Ironman event. My physicians both said, "it just doesn't happen". My family physician and friend later confided in me that he did not think I would be able to do it.
I knew this was a chance of a lifetime for me, and I savored every moment, despite the pain. I learned a lot about myself that day. I learned just how strong I really was, both physically and mentally. I listened to my body and despite the abdominal pain, my vital signs were stable and I felt great. I had a physician called to meet me in T2 for evaluation to ensure that it was safe for me to continue the marathon. We both agreed that while it was likely my Crohn's acting up, my heart rate was perfect, and I was hydrated well. I continued on and finished the race feeling strong. I was disappointed that I was way off my training pace, but numerous stops from the pain and meeting with a physician, took time.
So, if we flash forward a year later, I am in training again. I never thought I would do another Ironman, but I am on track to complete number two in May.
I am at home in the water, on my bike, and on a long run. I feel absolutely no stress, just peace. My heart rate is constantly monitored and I "listen" for any aches and pains. I love to feel each muscle working to propel me forward. With each breath, I am just thankful to be alive and doing something I enjoy so much.
I will never forget what one of my close friends told me. She said, "Marcia, you are MADE for this. You ARE an Ironwoman. Your life has been one big Ironman event and you have always been prepared to do this. You were born to do this."
Sounds crazy, but she was right. Through every major challenge in my life, exercise has brought me through to the other side, stronger than ever. My faith in God and the realization that He has given me strength to do all things, comes second nature to me.
I don't know what lies ahead. I will always have Crohn's Disease and it can sneak up on me at any moment. I will have more tests later this month to ensure that there is no current hidden damage in my intestines. I will also follow-up for a possible small abdominal hernia. It may require surgery, but I am not going to let myself worry about that until I am told it is an issue.
I plan on being at the start line of Ironman Texas on May 21st in The Woodlands, if the good Lord allows me. Along with 2000 other athletes, I will attempt to once again swim 2.4 miles, bike 112 miles, and run 26.2 miles.
It might sound crazy to some, but for me, it is a comforting thought to know that my body is still strong. I am constantly in training to fight this disease. My chances are better if I am in phenomenal physical and emotional shape. For me, this means endurance training. It's deeply engrained in my heart and soul. I know that some of you will never understand this, and that is okay. For the worriers out there, I promise to continue listening to my body.
But I WON'T keep "walking on eggshells". I WILL keep doing the things I love so that I can be a better wife, mother, friend, nurse, and coach.
For now, I will enjoy this mountain top, and try not to worry about what the future might hold.
I will enjoy TODAY and the good health and energy I have. I will make the best of each moment with my children and my family.
Are you currently on a mountain top, but afraid to enjoy each moment out of fear that something bad is sure to come? Does it seem like any time you come upon good times, rough times are sure to follow? Are you constantly holding your breath to see what comes next?
Let's remind one another not to forget to ENJOY our mountain tops. Savor each moment and seize the day. We should not worry about tomorrow, as it only interferes with our ability to cherish today.
"Let the good times roll...."
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