A Bitter Pill To Swallow

These last two weeks I have felt so "normal", I have almost forgotten that I am still not out of the woods.  I guess in reality, I never will be.  That part is a tough pill to swallow.  And speaking of tough pills to swallow, I will be swallowing another camera pill soon.

At least I will be swallowing the "trial" pill again.  The last time Dr. A and I gave this a whirl, I became one of the very few patients he has seen who did not naturally "pass" the trial pill.  About  five hours after I ingested the pill, I got violently ill.  I won't go into detail because you can use your imagination to figure out how a gigantic pill would feel lodged in your intestines.  I will say, thank God, the pill was designed to disintegrate.  It took a few days before it collapsed and then dissolved, resolving my symptoms of a small bowel obstruction.

So yes, I met with Dr. A today and we had a nice long chat.  He is pleased with my progress.  I am one of the "lucky" Crohnie's who had pain arise in EVERY single joint with my Crohn's arthropathy.  Even though my intestines were stable, the inflammation hit the joints.  But increasing the 6-MP and adding back the Asacol, seems to have done the trick.  I feel wonderful.  In fact, I feel almost normal except for the fact that I still can't eat anything outside of my comfort zone.

Dr. A says this is just something I will always have to manage for the rest of my life.  Every Crohnie is different, and we each have our list of "do's and dont's" when it comes to food.

I had a great meal on Sunday at Babe's chicken, but Lord knows a few hours later,  I thought it was going to be the end of me.  No more Babe's for this chick!  Pun intended.  :)

After having eight inches of my small intestine removed in September (this was all diseased, causing the "stricture" that I had for quite some time), we still don't know how the other 20-something feet of small intestines look.  The only way to view the whole thing is with the big, bitter camera pill.  I will be strapped up to all sorts of monitors for a day, and then Dr. A will have a movie night.  He will spend 8-10 hours watching the walls of my intestines and looking for any indication that Mr. Crohn's is now hanging out in the portions that can't be viewed any other way.  Sigh.

I would almost rather be an ostrich and stick my head in the sand.  I almost don't want to know.  Why rock the boat?  I am doing so well right now.  Why take the chance of the trial pill getting temporarily "stuck" again. (By the way, as a nurse, it was pretty cool to see the pill glowing on my own x-ray when it was trapped!).  Or what if they find out that my small intestine is damaged in more places?  Will it be time for the biological agents that we have been trying to avoid?  Or will it mean I am going to need another surgery in the near future?

I went for a much-needed long swim this afternoon after my appointment.  It gave me time to digest a few things.  Once again, I am feeling well, but the disease lurks within me.  A year ago I would have  tried to put off the camera study (wireless capsule endoscopy).  Today, I have decided it is better to KNOW for sure what is going on in there.  No more secrets, no more wondering.  I know that the medications that I am on have side effects that can be lethal.  I know that it is highly likely I will develop some sort of cancer from taking these medications, or that the levels will suddenly become toxic to my bone marrow and/or other organs.  But for now, my quality of life is good.  For now, I feel great.

I am certain about one thing.  I am ready to face whatever comes my way.  Bring it on.  We really don't know how strong we are, until being strong is the only choice that we have.

But we shouldn't be afraid of the unknown.  Whether it is a health issue or just an uncertain future, it is better to face our issues head on.  Tackle them before they tackle YOU.  Fear of the unknown is wasted worry.  It causes undesirable stress and turmoil.  Find out the facts, come up with solutions, and carry on with life.  This is our temporary home and we are never promised another day, so why worry ourselves today?

This is one of my resolutions for 2011.  To stay on top of things and face the truth, even when the truth hurts.  And sometimes the truth is nothing but a bitter pill to swallow.

Bottoms Up!