Coin Toss

I think one of the hardest things about having Crohn's Disease is that you feel like your life is sort of a coin toss.  It's hard to plan ahead from one day to the next when you don't know how you will wake up feeling. Mornings seem to be worse for myself and a couple of my fellow Crohnie's.  For some reason, getting out of bed in the mornings can be a tough mountain to climb.

Now, I know that morning time is rough for LOTS of people.  Don't get me wrong!  But this feeling is different.  We may have slept for eight hours or for fifteen hours, and we wake up feeling like we got hit by a Mac truck.   It's not just your average, "I am tired and don't want to get out of bed feeling."  It's more like, "Good Lord, what has hit me?  I cannot move a muscle."  I also like to relate it to taking Nyquil when you have a bad cold.  We wake up with a "Crohn's" haze.  Head spinning and groggy with achy joints.  Takes us about an hour to really wake up and get moving.  Some days (most days), we may even need to take a nap for several hours.  When we wake up, guess what?  Still the same feeling.  No bueno.

I can tell that I am getting better because my haze wears off after just an hour these days.  At that point, I actually feel like a productive member of society and can get up and function.  I am also needing less naps. Just a few weeks ago, it was literally a coin toss on whether or not I would feel that way ALL day and for several days, or just for another hour or two in the mornings.  Or I might have a good afternoon and then get hit by "the haze" again in the evening.

I am starting to see less of the haze these days, and I am incredibly thankful.  Of course, it's a cautious type of optimism.  I still don't trust myself quite yet.  It's been almost three weeks without "crashing"and for me, that is a record.  I still nap when I can, and try to get at least eight hours of sleep each night.

Living life with a state of health that is always up in a coin toss is less than ideal.  You constantly feel like you are letting down your friends and family when you have to cancel activities.  You are afraid to plan anything because the moment you plan something important, Mr. Crohn's jumps in and zaps your energy.  I could go on about the inconveniences, but I won't.  This is not a pity party, and I certainly don't feel sorry for myself.

I will ask the following of you:  If you have good health and it's pretty predictable, please be thankful.  Never take for granted the fact that you have energy to expend or are living pain-free.  I have talked with fellow Crohnie's about how awesome it is to wake up on the "energy" side of the coin toss.   Boy, do we run with it.  We never know when we will have a good day again so we cherish each moment, sometimes going overboard and then paying for it later.

Also, be thankful if you can eat anything you want without your body protesting.  Next time you eat a nice big vegetable or fruit salad, think of a "Crohnie" or think of ME and say, "this one's for you!".

On a more positive note,  I had a magnificent long bike ride today.  My body cooperated and I felt great during and afterward.  My heart rate stayed in the perfect zone, and all nutrition stayed where it was supposed to without any adverse side effects.  :)  Exercise plays a huge factor in fighting fatigue.  It is incredibly therapeutic.

For all those exercise skeptics,  you should give it a try.  It is better than any anti-depressant on the market  and is rejuvenating.  I feel most at ease on a long bike ride or long run.  I become truly in touch with myself.  I clear my mind of any negative thoughts or emotions, and just appreciate "being".  Loving the fact that afterward I feel completely de-stressed and ready to conquer anything.  My mood is always enhanced, and it adds a spring in my step.  The physical rewards are also bountiful, and a strong body stands a much better chance against illness/disease as we age.

So...nothing terribly insightful from me today.  Just hoping this is the beginning of some predictable days, and the end of my "coin toss" era.   Either way, whatever comes my way.....I am ready.